She was beautiful, she had plans and parties and youth and... It would be rightly for me to die instead of her, i've been asking for this happy chance for at least four years, i ask every night. It's abnormal to mix abstract sorrow and concrete envy in a such way, i realize. I've been told in childhood justice can hardly be the right lone of thought at such occasions. I've thought capacity to admire with even or especially being completely detached seems not entirely suitable to absolute asexuality.
But she was beautiful. And it is unfairly. And it worth more then "heard" and shruging and won't cause more. And it should be me undoubtedly being unable to see her almost stranger further life current not vice versa.
RIP